Â Â I have been a SAHM (stay at home mom for those of you who are as computer illiterate as I am) for just over 12 years. And some days……..it seems like an eternity.
Now I know for some of you with larger families, you think “*puh* 12 years? That’s nothing! Just a walk in the park!”….and I would agree with you.
But this mommy heart sometimes just wants to sit down in the middle of the floor and have a full-scale tantrum where I get to scream things like ” NO NO NO” and “ME ME ME”.
Â Â Like the time when, for the fourth day in a row, I have to move all my nicely re-folded clothes off of the bed my handy hubby is already snoring away in just so I can crawl, exhausted into bed.
Or when, for the tenth time in a week I am scrubbing crayon off the walls. (I seriously don’t know where they are getting them–there has GOT to be a stash somewhere)
Or when my 12 year old daughter brings down a mountain of laundry, including a stack of things I folded two days ago that somehow ended up on the floor, because she went crazy this morning trying to find the “perfect pink outfit’ for home school co-op today.
I don’t need to go into the poop-smearing messes I have dealt with, or the twins who love to split up on me outside in our yard, one running as fast as her fat little legs can carry her towards the busy street, while the other runs as fast as her thunder thighs can rub towards the dog that bites in the next yard. What do you do?
Â Â I mean, who is going to socialize with an insane mid-30’s woman who cant keep her toddlers out of the street, and who screams things like that on a quiet street in the middle of the day?
Â Â Or how about getting said very naughty children ready for bath time, turning on the water, and coming back out only to see them doing a crazy dance in the giant picture window in the dining room window seat completely Â naked………..while cars drive by and honk, and your very reclusive neighbor is staring in shock.
Â Â I know you will laugh, some of you, and some of you will disown this page and tell your friends to NEVER go over there, but if I can’t be real, well, then God cant do the work on me that He needs to if I am going to hide from it. I have never claimed to be perfect, and the thought is laughable at the least….
These are the days sometimes I feel my heart cry out, in selfishness, of course, and the cry is loud, persistent, and screaming: “What about ME?”
What about my clothes, dishes, shower, lunch, time with friends, shopping, quiet car rides, etc etc etc.
Â Â One day all those things will come, and I will wish for these moments to come back, just for a glimpse, so I can see in the midst of the craziness and poop smearing that God was trying in His own gentle way to teach me a lesson, from one servant, humble in mind and heart, to another who rebels at the thought of one more simple poopy diaper.
Â Â All I need to do is to think of my Savior—who came, and served, and died, for me. When I tell my toddler for the zillionth time to get off the table and have to discipline her, ready to run stark-raving mad out the back door into oblivion—I am quietly and deeply reminded of how He treats me time and time again when I do the same wrong thing over and over and over.
Â Â So tonight, as I write this post, and I think of the things I have seen and gone through today, I have a few quiet observations I think are being laid on my heart from the Lord.
- May I be thankful for the blessing of having enough clothing for my children and myself that the putting it away reminds me how wealthy we really are in light of the poverty of others.
- May I remember that just as a fresh coat of paint can cover the scribbles of my small children, the mercy of the Father washes the marks of my selfishness and stubbornness away when I let Him.
- May I be sensitive to a time in my oldest daughter’s life that she looks like a woman, but still has the heart of a child that needs tender and gentle nurturing from her Mamma. And thank you, Lord Jesus, thank you, thank you, thank you for making me the mamma to that precious, sweet-hearted girl.
- May I never forget the feeling of how beautiful it is to be a child, unfettered by the judgement of others, comfortable in my own skin, and happy just to be in the sunshine, laughing and playing.
If I remember that each day the good things, and the bad, are just more opportunities to walk, and talk, and teach my children as we go together through this crazy life of ours, my life grows richer by the moment.
I am starting something new every Thursday here on the Welcoming House Blog,as well as on the Welcoming House FB Page. Today is the day I want to pray for you, to know your needs, and to open it up to others to read your comment and lift you up. Will you participate? Please leave your comment below and if you don’t want to share specifics, just ask us to pray. From now on we are going to take one day a week for this— and they will be under the title of Thoughtful Thursdays. It will be open every week for prayer requests in the comment section, and I encourage you to participate not only by sharing, but taking a few seconds to lift someone else up in prayer who is needing Â the support.