Â Â One of things I have said consistently on our hospital caring website as we go through this pregnancy, is that every day is victory from here on out.
I know it has been a while since I posted here, and only since the pleading of family and friends lately have I finally found the time to sit down and post again. I love you all–your words of encouragement about how I lift up your hearts and minds mean a lot to me..thank you!
Reading all of the last posts brought tears to my eyes, because right now, we are truly walking in victory. Our Birth mom is 33 weeks through the pregnancy tomorrow…so so so much further than I thought we would ever get. The babies are over 4 lbs, and both are “breathing” in the womb–the only thing we are waiting for is time to pass so that they are heavier and more able to do everything on their own out here.
Our God is a God who delights in giving his kids victory over the smallest (and largest) of battles..and a God who carries us through those onesÂ thatÂ blow us off our feet.
This battle has been one of the hardest, and longest of my life. I thought losing our son, Issac, would be the toughest thing I would ever have to go through. That barrier was broken as I watched my precious one pound four ounce second baby fight for life just 18 months later….or only a few years ago when my husband and I went through a separation that tore my heart in so many pieces I didn’t think I would ever heal.
And while this battle has been SO hard, it is really all about one thing: ” Do I TRUST God?”
I find myself more inclined to listen and far less to talk now. I find a stillness in me waiting for the strength of God to permeate before I act or answer. If you knew me before, you will laugh at those things, because I have been nothing if not a fun and impulsive type of person. Sometimes good,…..definitely sometimes that can be bad. (I am thinking of some high school friends who will wryly grin at those comments)
I find myself wondering if the reason the person in front of me at the stop light that is slow to respond at the green is having a tough time, and while everyone else is honking, I am praying.
I see the woman in the clinic walking across an icy parking lot looking all alone, and nervous, and I find it impossible to stop myself from walking over to help, no matter who is in the car waiting to go somewhere.
I find myself crying at the picture of people in Haiti, knowing there is nothing I can physically do…but praying and knowing God’s heart must be breaking with the suffering.
I guess I find myself trying toÂ look at the situation from another person’s perspective far more than I ever did. Trying a little to walk in their shoes.
Today, our birth mom found out at the dr’s apt that the babies will not be coming while a special visitor is here, because the circlage stitch will not be removed until the 18th. Her disappointment was of the bitterest kind. She has held on through a lot of tough days lately praying to get through until the 8th in the hopes they will take the stitch out and she will go into labor. To find out thatÂ person will miss the twins’ birth (she goes home on the 14th) was a devastating blow to her. What do you say in times like that? When you have explained all you can to the doctor and they still don’t budge? And while I am not pregnant, while I am not going through physically all she has gone through, my heart aches, because I finally understand. I have walked so closely beside her for four months that I can see that pair of shoesÂ crystal clear on her feet.
Â Â I feel so badly that mine are worn from the miles we have traveled, but ones of joy and anticipation as we wait for these beautiful girls to join our family.
I am just glad I can walk beside her with my arm around her during these last few weeks.
Thank you all for your prayers and your caring. I am so glad I touch your life in some small way and encourage you to walk your faith daily through good and bad……